WHAT IF WE: HARD WORK

A few months ago I was in a bus en route home from town. It was a Sunday afternoon. I sat next to this father who was speaking to his son on the phone (okay, it was either his son or someone else's son but there was frequent use of the word “Kababa”). I could not hear what the person on the other side of the telephone conversation was saying (partly because it was none of my business and partly because this man was talking too loudly and I just wanted to shut him off my mind trail), but you could tell by the words of this man that the person on the other side was important.  He kept asking the other party if he had been working hard and if he held on to his dream. He kept reassuring him to keep working on that dream and work hard so that he may not end up like his father (Enough with the pressure already lol).

Source: www.npr.org

Fast forward to a month ago when I sat in an audience where a person I admire from work was sharing her story. Well, hers is not the riches to rags story, neither is her story like what most people use in talk shows and such forums where they say how they are from a humble background (note, as a friend of mine said, coming from such backgrounds does not give you monopoly over suffering), and they rose above adversity to succeed. Don’t get me wrong, I do love those stories too, they are a source of inspiration. Hers, on the other side, is a story of how she set goals for herself, kept her eyes on that dream and worked damn hard to be where she is, regardless of where she came from. She is a dreamer, a hard worker, a spirited go-getter, and has neither the time nor the space for mediocre or substandard things. And you can see the result from her work to her family, her husband (you should see them together) and the way she runs life in general. Now, before you start fussing and start telling me how I may not know what she is going trough and that no one can have it all, lemmie remind you that what she kept insisting on was hard work. H.A.R.D W.O.R.K.

A good friend and I have been talking about dreams, goals desires and what we are doing about them a lot of late. *By the way, friend who shall not be named, this is just a permanent and polite reminder that you owe me a shout out. Remember. SOTMIII*. Where was I? Yes, Hard work. I always tell some girls I mentor that I am one staunch believer of hard work. Yes, success (and achieving dreams) comes in many ways and using different avenues but if there I one that I can take to the bank and I was brought up with is hard work. The good book states very well that 

“In all toil there is profit, but mere talk tends only to poverty.” (Proverbs 14:23) 

I have never met anyone who worked so hard and it never worked out. If you meet one, please let me know so that I meet them. What we have these days are people who want it easy, people who are not willing to work hard or sweat for their dreams. Hell, we don’t even dream anymore or have these goals and aspirations. #YOLO has become a mantra that will destroy us, if we are not careful. Remember that dream you had when you were young? That goal you wanted to achieve, that person you wanted to become? What happened to those dreams and aspirations? Sure, you will say life happened. Sure, you will say priorities changed. But you know what, a dream never dies, no matter the circumstance…your gut still holds on to that dream, wanting to pursue it so bad. A dream never dies.

We all know that 10,000 hours theory, right? I talked about it here. What if we all started working on that dream? What if we started yesterday? What if we started today? What if we so badly wanted that dream? What if we were willing to spill sweat and blood to achieve it? What if we worked so damn hard? For our families, relationships, companies, ourselves? What if we did it #ForMyCity and for humanity? 

  

What if we worked hard?  

Facebook:  Njeri Kareithi

Twitter: @deekareithi

 (The campaign dubbed #ForMyCity led by Poetry Spot. Follow the conversation here)

  

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BUILD YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

Over the weeks since my last post, I have been in several bus rides to town, during the evening, for classes (*sigh*, masomo nayo). During these bus rides, as I quietly sit on my seat trying to think about what we were taught last before I attend the classes, I have picked up on a few things (thanks to people who talk loudly in buses; you would think they are story tellers and the travelers are a bunch of children in a nursery somewhere). First, I would never highlight the flaws of my man to anyone (that’s relationships 101), and neither would I rant about my relationship in public (more of relationships 101), but what I heard a lady say (more of utter loudly) to her friend sitted opposite of her made me really think. 

“Why are his female friends on Facebook those with funny profile pictures?”

“He always says that they are busy at work, that’s why he can’t text or replies my texts late...”

“I don’t have anything from him in my house, or that can show we are in any relationship.”

“Since we started dating, he stopped giving me any gifts.”

“These days it feels like he is not willing to sacrifice anymore.”

“

"He makes me feel unappreciated and single, even though he’s my boyfriend.”

The rant went on…

At first, I was shocked, how can you talk so much of your relationship to a person who you are not in a relationship with? Then I started feeling sorry for the lady. See, women are emotional beings and will mostly approach issues from an emotional point of view. I am no expert in relationships (no one is), but after listening to that lady, I would like to share some pillars of relationships my mentor shared with me.

Meaningful Communication

Notice “Meaningful”? Well, it’s not just about communication, its meaningful communication. This is more than just talking to each other. Meaningful communication involves sharing goals and ambitions, hopes and aspirations, success and failures, and likes and dislikes. This is usually one of the key foundations and pillars in any relationship. If this lacks, one of the partner strains. If you have doubts or you are not sure about any issue; ASK! DON’T ASSUME ANYTHING! (The only place where assumptions hold is in mathematics).

Trust

Ask any old couple how they survived through 50 years of marriage and tell me the answer (lol). Trust is established through, fidelity, loyalty, and respect. It is reinforced by the positive action a person takes for the good of the relationship. 

When actions are taken that violate trust, the relationship becomes unstable. Some people want be trusted, but have not taken the actions necessary to become trustworthy. Trust has to be earned. The one that has broken the trust has to be the one that takes the responsibility for rebuilding it.  You can rebuild trust by doing what you say. Your actions must line up with your words. We all have in us the ability to be trustworthy, but we have to value the relationship enough to allow it to come forth. When it comes to a healthy relationship, trust is a must.

Honesty

Consistency, trust and honesty go hand in hand. “What do you hate most in relationships?” I once asked SB “When someone is dishonest and keeps telling lies.” I could feel what he was saying. It is the desire and ability to tell the truth without any intentions to deceive. In all cases, words that come out of a person’s mouth must be the truth. The pillar of honesty must run deep into the core of all those involved. My mentor once told me “telling your partner where you are and what you are doing or who you are with is not hard; if you have nothing to hide”. Till this day, I keep thinking about that statement.

Connection

Well, the queen’s language defines connection as joining together of two people or things. Definitely, the fact that you are in a relationship with someone implies that have some things in common, or share some interests. The things that make you have a deeper connection with your other, which you don’t have with other human beings. This is what connects to the emotional side of us as humans (yes, men too have an emotional side). Some would call this “chemistry”. Know something that your partner likes? A hobby? Music? Interest? What makes them feel loved? Take the time to invest in such things. Sacrifice, let them know how you feel/think, keep the connection alive. If you take this for granted, lets face it, anything not connected is, well, disconnected.

After all is said and done, we should all remember that no two relationships can be the same. Do not try to make your relationship similar to another person’s. Relationships are not there to cause us pain, they are to be enjoyed. Relationships are not easy, but if we work on these pillars, conversations such as the one I heard will not be there (or will reduce). 

   

Build your relationship your way, and make it strong. Make it about the other person; that’s what selfless love is all about.

(by the way, the same pillars apply to other relationships, such as family and close friends).   

@deekareithi

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THE SILENT LOVERS

Well, well, well, it’s here again; the month that all irresponsible (yes, irresponsible) men dread, evil (yes evil) women maliciously await and lovers look forward to. The month where red is the “it” color, the month where chocolates and flowers sell most and most unfortunately most hearts are broken. It’s February, the so called month of love.

“Be emotional!! You are Human!!!” my pastor’s word’s echoed in the halls of church on Sunday (yeah, I was quite surprised but pleased too…I mean, if I get emotional; I have the go ahead from spiritual authority *Thank you God*) now, ladies and men, let us be clear on one thing; being emotional (and sensitive) and becoming a hysterical person are two different things. Getting mad to the point of scratching your lover’s car with a knife just because they did not get you what you wanted does not classify as emotional (and sensitive). Wailing out loudly at night disturbing the peace of the night because your heart was broken and you had to drink it out does not classify as emotional. That is hysterical. Are we on the same page now? Good.

Well, today I talk about a character that loves silently (note, not secretly). I just love the silent lover. Maybe it’s because I fell in love with one as such, or maybe I am one. They are not shy, they are not timid, they are not reluctant, and they just love silently. To them, saying the words “I love you” take some work. Don’t get me wrong, they will write it down and most importantly show it by actions, but they rarely say the words “I love you”. Saying these words to them, you may not get why they remain silent and not say it back to you, but if you know a person well, you will know why they will not.

To them the phrase “actions speak louder than words” carries more meaning than “If you love them, tell them”. This type of lovers will hold your hand in the most sensual way, they will look at you in ways that will steam you up, and they will listen in a way that amazes you. They will touch you in a way that makes you forget anyone has ever touched you. They will spoil you with things that make you smell the “love in the air”. They will hug you tight till your worries disappear. They will gladly show you they will be there, that they are there, that they love you; when words fail them.

They are the silent (I repeat; not secret) lovers. If your love is a silent lover; well, open your eyes and see past the words. Experience love in their way. They do sacrifice to experience it your way; right?

Show your love the best way you know how to. Forget not God’s love this season; (He is kind of a silent lover huh). Spread the love this month, don’t spread “seeds”. Share the love, and keep some for yourself too.

Happy Valentine my dear friends.

@deekareithi

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STARTING IT HIGH

Excuse the heading…by saying starting it high, this does not mean the “high” where one is drugged or drunk (by alcohol or the Holy Spirit)

Well, happy New Year y’all!!! Well well well, the New Year is here and this is a chance to yes, make another difference in your existence as a human being (yay!). Last year, 2013 is so gone and here is another year. I know we all got our resolutions; speaking of resolutions, I know people claim they write some down, either due to social pressure or otherwise. Anyhu, whether we write them down or not, we all have goals or targets that we want to achieve in the New Year.

As I think of writing this, I am in a salon. Well ladies, we all know how entertaining salons are; this is one place where some women think they have gone for therapy sessions. Gossips, updates, praise, judgments, those juicy details you would never hear anywhere else, you will hear in a salon. Anyway, this day I decided to change where I have my hair made. So as we are getting our hair done, this woman goes ahead to rant about how 2013 was a fail for her, how she failed in this and in that, how her heart was broken…and as expected, how broke she was. *sigh* she went ahead to state that she does not expect anything to change in 2014, that she will be more miserable in 2014, with VAT and cost of living so high. I shook my head. Believe you me, that will happen to her (yeah, I’m a prophet of doom on this one).

In life, they say, aim for the stars…no, the moon, so that if you fall, you will fall on the stars. (is that possible in reality?) Most of us set targets that are too low for us. The fear that we have of failing or of not achieving our goals makes us set goals that we can easily reach. Come on; challenge yourself!! Last year, I heard someone say that he had vowed to buy themselves a phone worth 20 thousand shillings. He outdid himself actually, and bought one 28,000/=.

 What is my point? This year, as we start, challenge yourself. Set goals that are high but attainable. OK, don’t aim at buying a Mercedes yet you live in your mother’s house, or aim at getting married this year and you are single (lol). You get me?  In statistics (yes, I had to chip in something statistical he he) they say that standard deviation decreases with increase in the number of trials. For those not statistically inclined, this means that the more you try, the higher the probability (there I go again), I mean chances of you getting closer to what you want.

Don’t be afraid of getting disappointed, you never know, you just might get there; if and only if, you focus and balance your life. With that said, welcome to 2014, lets aim high, let’s start high and make this a year of difference!!

To a great year ahead *cheers*

@deekareithi

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YOU SAY, YOU DO

You say you hate publicity,

But when a bunch of girls call,

You drive all the way to meet them.

You say you love indoors,

But each evening, each afternoon,

You can’t talk coz you’re driving.

You say you love chatting,

But when in my excitement I text you,

You reply one hour later.

You say you love spending time together,

But when I’m in town,

Your phone goes off.

You say you love me,

But clearly,

You’re in love with another woman.

You say many things, many promises,

I hear you, but no longer believe you,

Because what you say is not what you do.

Befado

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I STOPPED WRITING by @wanjiru_wanjiku

I stopped writing
when you left my world,
For how could i write,with my world
crumbling...

I stopped writing,
when on your face fell a frown,
For what would my words play with,if not
your smile....

I stopped writing
when your back is all I saw,
for what would I scribble,when the radiance
of your face was gone.

I stopped writing
when all I saw was anger in your eyes,
for how could I write,with guilt saw-milling
my heart.

I stopped writing
when there was no longer you in us,
for even though my hand held the pen,my
heart wrote the words

 

©MaggieWanjiru2013. All rights reserved

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A CONVERSATION IN THE DARK.

At 3 am she rises, despite the fact that a few hours ago she was awake, making ready her family’s clothes for the following day. In the next one hour she will be busy, talking to a friend, her lover, a ruler. After that she will go back to sleep, sleep for another hour before her day starts.

She delights in this habit that she developed while she was young.  Many, even her husband, are not aware of this. One might think she’s in an affair with this ruler. Coming to think of it, she is. So as is custom, she awakes this particular morning, goes to the call line and dials a number that she is too familiar with, her lover’s. Their conversation goes on well, she thanks Him for who He has been in her life and that of the family, then goes ahead to the business of the day. Her husband is in trouble; their children are not turning out to be what she hoped for. 

In the middle of their conversation she breaks down, it is too much for her. Yet, the ruler does not hung up, actually he never does.

As she cries and opens her heart, He listens, carefully. Their conversation is filled with tears but she does not mind because she knows that at the end of it all a burden will be lifted. She knows too well that this conversation at this time of the morning is what will determine how the day will carry on. These conversations hold so much. It’s this conversation in the dark that ensures that the day is full of light. As the rib of her man and the source of the fruit that is her children, she knows if she does not have this conversation; their affair will be in vain.

She was taught and she knows about the power of having this great conversation in the morning, particularly at this time of the morning. As you see her walking about in the streets, or at work or in her car, you see her smile. She replays their conversation in her mind all day long. She smiles. Amidst the pain, the harsh words, the wounds, she smiles; a real smile. God, I love how people envy her. People say she is strong, she is a fighter. What they know not is that the conversation at dawn is what gives her the strength. She vowed to continue with this affair, 365 days of the year. Occasionally, her husband and children join her in this conversation.

  
I wake up with her at three and eaves-drop as they hold their conversation. I enjoy listening to her and her lover chat. I know that I too will be holding similar conversations in a few years time. Actually I have already started. No, its not an affair that I am involved in, but a conversation with the ruler of the world, our God. Because of this conversation at dawn, she is sure that her family is protected, no matter what happens to her husband, to her children, she holds them firmly with prayer. She is the strength behind her husband’s success. She is the shadow that no one ever notices when he stands in the limelight. But she takes pride in being his rib. And when things go wrong, she worries not, for she is a warrior, a prayer warrior.

The strongest woman on earth is the prayer warrior. She fights battles (spiritual or otherwise) on behalf of her family.

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WHAT WOMEN (MAY) WANT IN MEN

A friend forwarded this to me and I thought.....why not share it? feel free to share it too; or print it and post it on your bedroom wall

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THE SHE FACTOR

We were standing at a bus station (sort of, it was what we call a stage). A child about two years old starts crying. Naturally, I turned and saw he was stretching his arms up. My first instinct was to stretch mine and just pick him up and woo him till he keeps quiet. Then I turn around and there, I see it. 

You see, I was not the only one, 10+ other ladies and women had turned too and had that concerned look (which you will obviously notice when you look at a mother whose child is in tears). They were all ready and willing to pick up the little kiddo. My friend whom I was standing with whispered to me “what is wrong with you ladies”. You should see the look I gave him! It was the “it’s like asking if a freezer is cold” face. (If you have never seen that face, ask me an obvious question and you will get it, fresh). I whispered, well it was not so much of a whisper coz the couple next to us heard, him “it’s our nature”.

Flash back to those days I used to watch a series by the name “nanny 911”. Well I’m not sure if that is the name or I got a word wrong. For men, I know you wouldn’t be caught dead watching it, so I’m going to shed a little light on what the series was all about. It was a show where mothers who had issues raising up their children called for help from this supper nanny. There! I got it now! The name was “supper nanny”. There was however, one episode that made me shed a tear. I actually never shed tears when watching stuff (unless its reeeeeeeeeaaaallllly moving) so this one was really moving. In that episode, the mum had an issue of being too attached to her last born son. Yes, too attached. I mean the boy would cry and the mum would just rush to pick him up, spoil him and hug him tight. So what the nanny was trying to teach the mum is to not pick up the baby when she cries. So the kid would cry and the mum would just try, really hard, to ignore the kid and boy did she end up with a bucket of tears. And she would go like “I just can’t, the minute he cries I just want to pick him up and hug him, tell him everything is okay”. And that would touch that softest spot of my heart and I would whisper to the telly “I know! I feel you”

I mean, it’s in us. Every girl, every lady, every woman, every mother, every chiq has that in them. We will want to turn and stretch out our arms to any child that is crying. (I can see the ladies nodding) We will want to cuddle that child that has lost its mother. We will want to hug any child when an opportunity arises. We will say “aaaawwww” when a child says or does something that we think is cute. We will smile and do that cliche sigh when we see kids playing. We will long to hold children. One gets this feeling in their heart…it’s just … I cannot even find the words. Ladies you know what I mean right? It’s in us, it’s our nature. So men, any time you see us do anything of the stuff mentioned above (and so much more) just understand. It’s our nature. It’s in us. It’s the she factor!

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A MOTHER’S JOY

A few months ago, I held a new born baby. A tiny, sweet, handsome man that belonged to one of my friends. His tiny fingers tightly gripping my finger, his sharp nails (by the way, the nails of the tiny ones are usually very sharp) softly pricking my neck as I held him to rest on my shoulder. I smiled. A true and genuine smile, from deep within. It was a breath-taking moment for me. As I held the young one, I swiftly shifted to my fantasies.

I get invited to many baby showers and my joy is not even in the food (though I don’t mind) or the socialization, but in seeing and holding someone that has been delivered to this earth for the very first time and well, say “welcome to the world baby”. Also, I delight in watching (and learning from them), the mothers protectively hold and hug their own…mmmmh mmmmh mmmmh.

As I watched mother and son bond, I was really touched. I shed a tear, no two. I mean, there can never be enough words to express the sweet relationship and bond between a mother and a child. I was taken aback by this. No matter what circumstances the child came through, a mother will always find joy in her child or children.

The mum lay the young babe on her chest and the young one just slept there, on her, his head resting on the place where her heart is and just slept soundly…(yeah, its soothing). However, I am not saying that the fathers don’t bond with their young ones, but that of a mother is much more deep, much more…..more intense, profound. And to those who felt or still feel that their mothers do not love them, well they do a lot

As I think about it all, I can’t wait for my own young one to come (actually I can wait till then). He/she will be greatly loved! I will jealously love him/her and others will also be jealous. I just envision it and can already feel a mother’s joy in my heart.

A mother’s joy IS in their child.

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FOR SHE

This is for her,
For she.


Snatch way her toy,

You will be awake till morning,

She is sensitive.

Invest in her,

She will work so hard,

She is hard working.

Hurt her friends,

She will be there without a halt,

She is concerned.

Show her kindness and love,

You will experience her warmth,
She is loving.

Give her people in need,
She will reach out and touch their hearts,

She is compassionate.

 Get her husband sick,

She will not sleep,

She is caring.

Hurt her child,

You will experience her wrath,

She is protective.

She is she,

The greatest of God’s creation,
She is the baby girl,
The chiq,
The girlfriend,

The daughter,

The wife,
The mother,
The grandma,
The her,
The she.

Cheers to she!

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UNFORGIVABLE

It wasn’t a stranger, but a friend.

A cup of coffee, just a cup

A dance, one dance, and I waved goodbye.

This man friend of mine,

He smiled nice, stayed employed, taking me out for coffee.

With a simple welcome to my house,

I made a nice meal,

But my kindness, mistaken for hints;

And my friend, my friend, turned foe.

Driven by lust, locked the door behind me,

And I was left with scars!

I had been betrayed! By one who knew me!

A friend!

Someone I called friend, turned beast!

Betrayed, heartbroken, wasted, dirty,

I could not let this happen to only me!

 I too became an animal, man to man, beast to beast.

My trust had been breached!

I needed revenge, and revenge I did! To all men who my path crossed.

My fellow women, judging me,

They don’t know me! They don’t know why! Yet they judge!

They called me bitch, a female dog!

They called me a slut, as if my legs could not shut!

They called me a hooker, and other ugly names.

But all I wanted was to be unforgettable,

A memory, a wound to every man.

A wrath, madness, to other women.

Each morning I woke up, a joker by my side.

Oh I glittered in the wind; desired by my fellow animals.

At 3.00am I rose, removing the arms and legs that trapped me,

I made myself a bath, flavored gels, assorted oils, perfumed water, to wash away his smell;

To become me again: Clean, head high, sweet scent,

Walking down the streets,

Knowing I was still dirty,

Knowing the many nights, I had cried myself to sleep;

I hated me! I hated me.

I wanted to jump, jump out of me, to leave me alone, to be gone, gone with the wind, never to return.

I fell into a numbness.

The only tree I could see, took me by its branches, and held me up to the breeze,

And once again I got life,

I found peace, in the clean fresh breeze.

There I found her; I found God in her; I loved her.

I found me; I found God in me; I loved me.

Stench made scent, dirty made clean,

The unforgivable was forgiven, forgiven and forgotten.

I forgave him, I forgave me.

Befado.

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A LOVE STORY

If I were to write a love story,

I’d write about us.

If I were to tell a love story,

I’d tell about us.

Of the days we loved each other,

Of the days we sat together,

Of the days I’d look at you and smile,

Of the days we’d walk for a mile,

Of days you sang for me,

Of the nights so cold and lonely,

Of the dreams we shared together,

Of moonlight walks to the border,

Of the laughter we shared,

Of the sorrows we bared,

Of days we cared,

Of days we’d rest in each others arms,

Of days we watched movies hand in hand,

Of days we’d chat till late at night,

Of the eyes that turned me on,

Of the days we wished we could move to our world,

Of days a day was not lived without you,

Of nights I was afraid of the dark without you,

Of the hugs we shared,

Of warm intimate hugs,

Of days we held hands,

Of kisses we shared,

Of days love was all we had,

But promise I did,

Not to tell,

But given a chance,

I would write, I would tell,

A love story,

Our story.

Befado

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HOW NOT TO FALL IN LOVE WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND

Yes, its inevitable. You spend so much time together, you can talk about anything, and you know each others secrets. You buy each other things, just because I know they'll like that. You're always there for each other, and are in fact each others default dates to functions when you couldn't get anyone else. Sooner or later, at least one of you would fall in love with the other.

We know its extremely difficult, especially when you really have so much fun together and admit it he's attractive. But it is possible to not ever be romantically involved with your male friend. It is usually advisable to keep things that way, too. So here are a few tips to help prevent you from crossing the line.

1. Keep in mind that your best friend will always be your best friend. The mind over matter rule might still work for you, writes Anna Lorraine Miranda-baysa in How Not To Fall In Love With Your Best Friend. Forbid yourself from entertaining thoughts of your best friend being the man you've been waiting for, because you will eventually convince yourself that he is even if he probably is not. Whenever your mind wanders dangerously close to that line, give yourself a good, firm shake.

2. Decide not to be attracted. In fact, try to feel embarrassed about even considering it. Of course you became friends because you saw a lot of great qualities in each other that made you click, that's why its inevitable to feel attracted to each other. But to avoid falling for his great qualities, humorously think of his worst traits especially the really weird and gross ones. It helps, says Anna, who has a male best friend herself.

3. Avoid situations where you are left alone with each other, as this allows a breeding place for passion.

4. Know all the negative consequences falling in love would have on your precious friendship. Crossing the line could only bring disappointment for both of you and change your friendship forever. According to Why You Shouldn't Take The Next Step with Your Best Friend, , whenever you feel yourself falling, ask yourself these questions: Would he be a suitable match for me? Is there a future for us? Am I attracted to my best friend sexually? What are my real reasons? Am I afraid to be alone? Am I willing to risk losing the friendship? Know that when you risk falling for a friend, you risk not just getting your heart broken but also ruining one of your most cherished friendships when things don't work out.

5. Choose to love him as your best friend. Or as a brother, if you must. Know that you would be willing to do anything for him, care for him, and love him like a true brother, even if hes not family. And be comforted that he would do the same for you. But decide not to throw romantic and sexual thoughts into the equation. Its a decision, not merely an emotion, writes Anna. Appreciate that rare solid friendship you have formed with him and keep yourself from losing it just because of selfish, uncontrolled feelings.

Do you have a male best friend? How did you keep yourself from falling in love with him?

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GIRLS ARE GOOD AT MATH

A lot of people think that girls just don’t “do” math.  In fact, many of these same people believe that this is related to girls just being better at different things than boys.  This might be true in some areas, but recent studies have shown that, when it comes to math, girls just might be as good if not better! 

You might be surprised to learn that not all of these studies are recent.  Janet Hyde, a psychologist at the University of Wisconsin, found that girls tested in math just as well as boys before high school.  That was in the late eighties/early nineties.  Now, nearly twenty years later, researchers took another look at standardized test scores in a report published recently in Science. They found that there is actually no difference in mathematical ability in high school, either. 

Now, that’s not to say that girls and boys both approach math in the same way.  For instance, Hyde noted that she thought “the boys tend to be a little more idiosyncratic in solving problems, the girls more conservative in following what they’ve been taught.” But, of course, we know that approaching a problem in a different way doesn’t necessarily lead to being more or less good at solving it. 
 

So it kind of makes you wonder: why does the perception exist that girls aren’t as good at math, and why aren’t more giving it a try in high school and universities? 

To drive home this point, researchers looked at the correlation between the social structure of many countries and how well the girls from each performed in math.  For example, they “found that improved social conditions for women were related to improved math performance by girls.” 

Interestingly, this sort of finding doesn’t rule out biological differences between men and women when it comes to ability in a certain subject: “the between gender differences in a single discipline - reading or math - certainly appear to be influenced by social features, but the within gender differences between reading and math, and between arithmetic and geometry, appear to be much more stable across environments, suggesting possible biological roots. 

Let’s recap.  Many people think or have thought that girls just weren’t as good at math as boys are.  Studies are showing that this apparent gap in ability is closing, or is non-existent in some countries.  While environmental factors seem to contribute to the gap where it exists, there’s no denying that there could be some biological differences between male and female brains that make certain problems easier for one or the other. 

Since many of us live in areas where this gap still exists, at least in perception, we can ask ourselves what we can do about it.

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