SELF ASSESSMENT 101: SELFLESSNESS

In the apartment above me lives a man. A man and his wife. I used to wonder why this guy was always home. His car has an employee pass to some local bank, so he could not be unemployed. Every evening he would pass me while going to get groceries, and when I returned early, I would see him walk up with groceries. “Aww…what a nice man” I would always say. “But where is the wife? Shouldn’t she be the one buying groceries?” I would ask myself. I had only seen her twice….at the balcony, when she was asking me to pick up some of their clothes that had fallen on my line (oh, these Nairobi houses, you hang clothes on your line, the wind blows so hard, they fall on your neighbor’s line. If they are good enough they will keep them for you. If they are #TeamEnterprise, they will just look up to God, whisper a thank you prayer and set off with new stock to their mitumba stall. No offence, watu wa mtush, but ushawahi ibiwa nguo then mtu wa malimali anakuja kukuuzia the same clothes unaskia kumwambia zilikua zako? ).

Where was I? The family up stairs. One day, I woke up at wee hours of the night and I happened to go upstairs, and there I saw something that broke my heart. I found the guy washing some hospital bedding. You know those green things that separate patients in the ward, and that green stretcher used to move patients in the ward? He was bent down rinsing those. We exchanged a glance with no words. And sorrow filled my heart. His wife, I later learnt, ails from a disease that makes her only get out of bed when she is strong enough. She is fed, washed, clothed by this dear man. He, I later learnt, had to quit his job to take care of her himself. A question has kept ringing in my mind since then “If it were me in place of the guy, would I do it for my beloved”? And it kept occurring to me that this guy not only gave his all, his commitment to his wife, but was selfless. He has the “Not for me, but for her” mentality. 

Fast forward to this conversation I had with a friend a few weeks ago concerning this matter. We, the younger generation and some of the older generation, always thinking of ourselves. Me this… Me that… how will this benefit me? We cannot do something without first asking what’s in it for me? The “the world revolves around me” attitude. Unless we are Jesus so that “All things were created for His glory”, then selflessness should be part of us. Many are the times even I have been so selfish, that I would not do anything for anyone if it cost me a lot. Selfishness (if such a word exists). And God reminded me of Moses…see this guy eh, he has brought people out of Egypt they are in the Wilderness. Then these guys decide to so hard-headed that God wants to do away with them.  So Moses keeps asking God to have mercy on them. Then God calls Moses and tells him

“…now therefore let me alone, that my wrath may wax hot against them, and that I may consume them: and I will make of thee a great nation…” Exodus 32: 9-14

I know most of us would have said “Yeah God…enyewe these guys are so stubborn, they are giving me a headache…I think your plan is okay. Finish them off, and then start afresh with me.” Such a selfish thought…right? But Moses put the needs of the Israelites before his and pleaded that these guys be saved. Friends, that’s what being selfless is all about. See, I have been reminded severally in my self-assessment that being selfless means thinking of others first, putting other people’s needs, interests before your own. Now, Dee, (someone will ask) "at our time and age, who would dare think others without first thinking of themselves” but one thing I have come to learn, when you do things for others not expecting them to you back payback  (I did not say lending huge amounts of money), fills your heart with joy. Be it from the smallest thing as joining a group that visits the desolate or terminally ill, buying that beggar food, paying transport to random people leaving hospital, to huge things like paying fees for that orphan, even helping around in the house or helping your parents or loved ones. My mentor always tells me that as a parent and a spouse, this trait of being selfless is very necessary. You will have to put your child’s or spouse’s needs before yours. How many of us can do that? It all boils down to who’s needs come first. Mine or theirs?

Friends, I am on a self-assessment journey and being selfless is something that I can currently learning and practicing. Join me, won’t you?

Facebook:  Njeri Kareithi

Twitter: @deekareithi

*all pics source: www.pixabay.com

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SELF ASSESSMENT 101: SELF-IMPORTANCE a.k.a Pride

(This first paragraph is named “As a Luo would say”). During this month, I spent better days of the month on the fishy shores of Africa’s Largest fresh water lakes that was named by a Briton explorer, John Hanning. So this guy saw and thought that the fancy African names Nam Lolwe (Luo), Nalubaale (Luganda) or Nyanza (Kinyarwanda) were not fit for such a wonder. So he decided to name it after his beloved queen, Queen Victoria and how that name stuck I know not. I mean, even children in those areas are taught that the original name was Lake Victoria and it was “discovered” by the said Briton. Yeah right, like the young and well-built warriors of our motherland (and sister-land for Uganda and Tanzania) who lived along the shores of this water body never even once saw it. Like they daily passed it and were wondering “what is this? It looks like water …or sand.” Then Bam! A Briton stumbles upon the water body and he says “Guys, I have made a discovery. There is something here that looks like a large basin (pun intended). Your Majesty , what shall we call this? Name it and it shall be done.” “A lake”, she said “Oh Your Majesty, may you live forever (the irony in that statement). Oh royal and beautiful one, you are full of wisdom. I shall name it after you”. And so it became; Lake Victoria. Colonialism *sigh*

Where was I? Yes, Kisumu. While I was there on some work assignment, I got to interact with a people who are known for pride, love of the fine things in life, and lovers of life itself; the Luos of Kenya. Though this might be a stereotype, it can be both a good reputation and a bad reputation to have. During the last of my days there, I spent an evening at one of my friend’s place. The family has it all, by worldly standards. They really live up to their reputation, except one thing. Pride. The vast house is home to more than 10 kids and an equal number of young people. 80 percent of the people living there are adopted or were taken up from various hardships. And they live such a simple life that when you meet the father and mother on the street you would easily dismiss them for some guy and lady trying to make it in life. Their humility melted my heart and almost brought me to my knees. I was going through a time of self-assessment, and God had been speaking to me on some of the areas in my life that need to be worked on.

This made me look at our generation and weep (kinda). Humility has been replaced with pride, and serious pride in our generation. We are a people who want to feel important so much that we want everyone to know how important we are. We attach monetary value to everything and we want people to know how much it was actually worth. Most of our conversations are full of how we did this, how we did that, how much our phones, cars, houses, headphones, tablets, sunglasses cost, where we went for holiday etc. We are itching to mention these and other ego-boosting thoughts to others, more often than not, our peers. We like to ask “do you know (insert name of a celebrity)?” “Have you ever visited (insert fancy place)?” “How much did you buy that? I bought mine for (insert ridiculously high price)”. We want to make others see how important we are, how we know people and how wealthy we are. Without knowing it, we are harboring and feeding pride. We are slowly killing humility. Sure, our friends and people will tolerate us, but only for a while. They eventually get tired and we end up with no friends…or with fake ones. Worse still, we could fall victim to what someone once said; “It is better to lose your pride with someone you love rather than to lose that someone you love with your useless pride.”

I recently read an article here that talked about the very same thing. The author states so well that when you act like you’re important, you only prove you aren’t. He goes ahead to show how proud people are cheap. Not in the way they look, the way they spend or the way they earn — cheap in the way they treat other people, and the way they attempt to assign a dollar value to everyone they meet.

“I’ve gone from having money in the bank to applying for a job flipping burgers in 6 months straight. When you’ve lived like that, you have a different attitude to money, and you have a different idea of what it means to be a Have or a Have Not. You’re less likely to look at someone and decide that they’re worth a material amount or they’re worth nothing.

You’re less likely to try and show off your money, your status or your prestige. The reason? You know that none of those things are worth more than other people, other human people.”

I know, many times I have also been a victim of the same. I have been infected with the same syndrome and looking back at it, I felt disgusted. So disgusted at myself and I kept asking myself “Was that necessary?”, “What have I gained?” Even God Himself says,

Through Solomon: “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom… Whoever belittles his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding remains silent.” Prov 11:2; 12

and

Through Paul: For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. Gal 6: 3

Friends, let us do self-assessment. If we find that we have pride (knowingly or unknowingly), let us strive to replace this with humility. After-all, T. S. Eliot said “Most of the trouble in the world is caused by people wanting to be important”. Don't know where to start? Get feedback from your close circle of friends...it will surprise you.

Facebook:  Njeri Kareithi

Twitter: @deekareithi

*images source

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PACES

Well, this post was to go up a few days ago, before the alleged month of love ended but meh! Life happened but here we are :-). Now, the month of February had a lot of stuff going on, from friends getting married, people declaring undying (oh the irony) love for each other on the 14^th, people hosting and attending singles events, people getting engaged, people passing on; all on the same day/weekend. It makes you wonder, all these things that happen in this feared and dreaded day, what do people do the other day of the month? A friend told me that she asked her boyfriend not to give her anything…well, I don’t know how that would go with most readers, but I guess guys would really love that. In the same month, we (I) saw the birth of two young establishments and the slow death of another. We also saw some lions escape a national park in Kenya, and the jokes and memes all over were just hilarious. What caught my attention though, is this review by this website that I had never come across (shekirout!).

Copyright: me

Now, in the same month, I happened to visit Hell’s gate National Park Kenya and hike Mt. Longonot. Well, it was not my first time to hike the said mountain, I had been there severally. The mountain holds a special place as it also hold very special memories for me. This time though, this time was different. It felt different. Not because I was there with a different group (a group of young scientists, by the way. you see, scientists also know how to have fun, forget what CBS portrays with Sheldon et al). A group of us had a mission. We wanted to go round the rim and reach the highest peak. And so with great determination and sheer excitement, about 20 of us started the journey to the summit. Armed with water and other sugary stuff to keep our energy levels up, we started the great hike. A few minutes in, some of us started getting tired and taking breaks. If you have been there, you know there only two resting places; at the middle and at the top. On our way up, several of us were stopping to take photos and selfies, unaware of the daunting task ahead. At-least all of us made it to the halfway point. Some were left there as they felt they could not go on, while some felt so energetic they were running up, literally. I was left with the last group, not that I could not hurry up, but because I wanted to make sure that at-least those who started the journey made it to the top, regardless of the pace. And so four of us started the journey at a snail’s pace, picking up a few other hikers along the way. 

Copyright: me

As if things could not get worse for those already tired, heavy rain started falling. Heavy rain.  So, you are in the middle of a hike, with bushes all around. Heavy rain is falling. There is only one way up. The half way resting place is too far to go back. So what do you do? You keep going and pray that you will not get a cold. Keeping your eyes on the hut at the top, you strive forward. Half an hour later, you finally make it up with the last bunch of hikers in your group. Rain is still falling. Someone makes a joke about us hiking in swimming costumes next time. We all laugh. We rest a bit and then the group breaks into two. Some of us want to reach to the highest peak (which will take us approximately 2more hours), while the others want to return. Long story short, only 9 of us made it round the rim, with several episodes of rain and sunshine. 

When we got down to join the other team for lunch, I couldn’t help but think about how different paces (yes, paces not a typo) in life are. Here we were, a group of young scientists. We had one thing (two…three…okay several things in common). We were scientists, human, but we also had a goal of scaling this mountain. However, some of us were faster, some of us more determined, some of us more ambitious, some of us more experienced in hiking; and all these determined our paces. Some of us were hiking slowly, some slow. Some of us got discouraged by the rain, some of us enjoyed the rain (I mean, when was the last time you got drenched by rain?). Some of us made it to the peak, some did not. Some of us made it to the summit, others got tired half way. I could not help but think life outside. There are these personal goals that we set and there are those goals society expects us to attain. Like getting married, having a family, getting established, (for those of us in science) papers to publish, finish school and the likes. Spiritually, we have the same personal and societal goals. We desire growth, we desire to do things that we read about people do and we want to do them. See all these things are doable and attainable, but guess what; we all have different paces!

At times we get discouraged or want to do things in a hurry because so and so has done it and succeeded. This is especially for our young generation. We want to compare ourselves with our friends and peers. But you know what; we cannot all be the same. We move at different paces. We have different experiences, different resources. We might have the same goals, but getting there will be at different paces. So the next time you feel like so and so has done so much in life and you have not done a lot, the next time you think of getting married because your friends are getting married, you want to move to a posh estate because your friends are doing so, or want to start a business because your friends are doing so, you want to accumulate quick wealth because people are doing so; remember this. We move at different paces. And life is not a race. So long as you are moving, snail speed or otherwise, so long as there is progress, we will all get there. Scale that mountain, at your own pace! (and if you get company or someone who is encouraging you and challenging you to keep on, the better :-))

The Champs. 6 countries represented, One goal, One victory.
Copyright: me

Happy New month from Njeri Kareithi’s Desk

Facebook:  Njeri Kareithi

Twitter: @deekareithi

 

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#AsanteMwalimu

Reading Renee’s most recent post here took me way back. Way, waaaay back, to when I first publicly declared my love for math. Even when I wrote it here exactly four years ago, I wasn’t too sure about it. I was just trying to convince myself that I was not totally doomed. You know, like the way we are told to look in the mirror and speak stuff (positive stuff of-course), to our images on the mirror, that is exactly what I was doing. This blog had become my mirror (pun intended). The first time I did it, it felt like “coming out of the closet”. You know, based on what we hear people feel when “coming out”. I didn’t know what to expect. Would society embrace me? Would they accept me for what I loved? Would they respect this love? 

Looking back now, I can’t just believe it. Everything I do involves and revolves around math and statistics (which reminds me of this joke that a friend and I shared a few days ago about statisticians counting sheep. *chuckles* Statisticians can’t count many sheep to induce sleep. They count till they obtain a good enough sample size and estimate/predict how many sheep they will have counted by the time they sleep, making it a futile exercise *chuckles a bit more* Under repeated sampling #BringBackMyLife lol). Don’t look at me like that. That was funny. Okay then *ignores the crickets chirping in dead sillence*, moving on swiftly. But really, my rosy relationship with math wasn’t always like this. 

Now, this is a story all about how

My life got flipped-turned upside down

And I'd like to take a minute

Just sit right there

I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air

Fell in love with math.

Like most of people who studied in rural nursery and primary schools, math was a BIG challenge. I would hear math and squirm at the thought of the numbers on the blackboard. Heck, I once had a nightmare that my math teacher had come to kill me. Now, that could be related to the fact that he looked scary and seemed to find pleasure in caning those of us who got zeros in math exams, but it could also be figurative; you never know. And so I grew up hating math and anything math-related. I would look at my brother in awe when he received those cups, plates and trays for being best in math (lol, those days were awesome yaani, when primary schools would prepare you for a life out there by giving you such meaningful gifts.) What do schools give these days as rewards? Phones? Tablets? Where did we go wrong?

 

source: pixabay.com

Well, my math grades (all grades generally) would take the steepest descent method each and every time we did exams. So much that my mum had my hair shaved (I had really long hair) and threatened to move me to some local school we would make fun of. Then I got transferred to a better school. How I passed that interview, God knows. And so, my life changing moment came one day as we were handing in some math problems while in class eight. I remember it so vividly you would think it’s like one of those days that Veon talks about here. I had sketched this pie chart and some calculations below it so neatly that when the teacher saw it, he showed it to the class and praised it. He shook my hand and told me. “You are a bright girl Njeri, and keep doing this, and God will bless your brain”. I remember muttering “Amen, I will” under my breath. I grabbed that. installed it in my head and I have never looked back since then. And funny enough, once the math started getting in, all other subjects started making sense. 

See, the words of Mr. Murungaru (that is his name), may have been inaudible to the rest of the class but they were spoken to me. When he commended me on my great work; I felt like nothing could stop me. And that is the amazing thing about teachers and parents. Their words influence our lives in such a great way. Most of the time we take it for granted that someone taught us how to write, how to read, how to speak good English, swahili or whatever language you are good at. We forget that it took patience, skill and someone believing in you to see you acquire and grow in whatever skill or talent you have. IT, science, fashion, embroidery, pottery, farming, business, singing, acting, playing that instrument; name it. Teachers are the least appreciated people around and that needs to change.

For them to think less of themselves that much that they want to see you prosper and see you spread your proverbial wings and fly, they need more appreciation. So take the time from now on and make it a habit to appreciate that teacher, mentor, parent or friend who taught you something that changed your life. Say #Asante (thank you) and share your story. For me, I appreciate all my math and statistics teachers/lecturers who taught me to look at the world through the eyes of math.

#AsanteMwalimu (Thank you teacher)

Facebook:  Njeri Kareithi

Twitter: @deekareithi

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Are You Man Enough? by Kelvin Kaesa (@KelvinKaesa)

Who is a man?
Mwanaume ni?
Mwanaume ni wallet?
Mwanaume ni effort?

Men are all that
And double-caps bold highlighted headlines on the front page of a best-selling magazine, 
you can find 10 tips on how to know if he is the one,
Six more on how to keep him;
And 5 secrets on how to make him good in bed.
So go on and get yours while stocks last, get him while he’s still tall dark and handsome.

This is branding
The idea of manhood has now become commercialized
turned into a pop culture trend
the principles defining manhood can now be found copy-pasted onto newspaper lifestyle columns,
cut-out and pinned onto the walls of high school dorm room cubicles filtered into man-crush-Monday Instagram hashtags

“you thought it was hard being a woman?

Try being a man on a Monday morning when your crush posts a man crush and it’s not you…” 

it’s hard out here for ninjas like we
society is forcing us to evolve
we no longer stand straight and cannot hold up our heads backs bent typing away on google trends
a man has to make sure his personality traits are tagged just fine to show up on the first page your search results go on, take your phones and google “how to be a man” you will find more than 2.4 billion results in about 0.79 seconds
Now that is fast
Fast enough to teach man how to bend into a consumer sized package wrapped up and delivered to your door step
waiting for you to let him in
his heart now bends in ways that won’t let him feel
and whatever else is left standing straight, has stereotypes to fill its place the bits of human left in him are trapped inside a hard heart
hard as a clenched fist holding on to trends, and needs he needs…
he needs more morphine for the state he’s in
more dope to lace his lips so they get hooked to what he says he needs more bass for the chiqs he wishes he’d win
he needs more chisel-chipped abs for the freeze-frame photo-shoot photos his followers want to see
They want to see more smiling… less frowning
“smile wider… don’t let the world see your frown. You are atlas go on hold your head up and don’t get your world off-balance”

I wonder, how many of you ladies take time to make sure you go out with the right guy?
I mean a crop-top, high heels and classy clutch bag need a fine brand to accessorize I wonder what skin tone of a man will match your dress tonight
There is a saying that goes
“teach a man to fish and you save him for a lifetime”
but, teach a man how to hunt like a dog and all he will ever know is to follow commands sit…he sits stand…and so he does here have a bone for your efforts
now wag your tail, roll over and die
whoever said you can’t teach an old dog new tricks forgot to mention that survival is a basic instinct so old dogs can learn to adapt and humans…well humans are not far off from the rest of the species keep repeating a slogan and see if he does not adapt… even bone of his bone can be made just that…a bone that… that is how you identify awesome branding!!!!

Now, how many guys here today think they are man enough?
How many of you are sure you are not just brands?
Go on. Think about it. Look into yourself
Look keenly, look closely
Because I can bet… that all you see are blurred lines
Your blood line has become so twisted you can form jungle-gyms inside your heart You cannot trace down your ancestry
In order for a man to find the true definition of manhood
We have to go back to the beginning
Hebrews 1:3 “…the son is the radiance of the father and he holds everything by the power of his words”
The son is the radiance of the father
The sun reflects the light of its father
The son is a perfect image of his father…like literally
He was made in his image and likeness.
Life breathed into his lungs, heart pumping he speaks things into existence

Now, you need to realize this is why God intended that man become head of the family
Because in him he holds the power to hold things in place, be a provider and sustains those close to him. He reflects good character that defines hiss offspring’s well being
So, do you still think you are man enough or just a brand?
You can wear your snapbacks, saggy pants and cool hairstyles. But that…that is just branding. Be a man

This piece was originally posted at Story Zetu. All rights preserved to Kelvin Kaesa. Read More of his works and projects #OfSmallBoysInBigCities and #MadeToRise here

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