PRIORITIES

We were sitted with a group of friends in a hall waiting for dinner/supper .

“Ngai!! Siamini Samantha alifukuzwa!!” (Oh my God, I don’t believe Samantha was sent away!!) one girl exclaimed, standing up due to what I assumed was to prepare for the intensity of the discussion that was to begin.

“Imagine alifukuzwa, alienda jana!” (Imagine she was sent away, she left yesterday) another exclaimed.

“haikosi ni indiscipline!” (It must be indiscipline) came a comment from the back.

My God, I really felt sad for the so called Samantha. From what I had been hearing in the past few days, exams were around the corner. It must have been sad for this Samantha, being sent away from school (or so I thought), just a few days to exams, because of indiscipline?! Oh my!!

I decided to listen on. A heated discussion started:

“Nancy alikua na bahati alisaviwa” (Nancy was Lucky to be saved) another added her thoughts.

“I hate Ian, I’m sure he is the one who suggested that afukuzwe!!(sent away)” another said clearly angry.

I was in the audience of a group of university ladies, and this discussion was worrying. I decided to ask the one next to me what had Samantha done.

The answer I got really shocked me! Apparently, these Samantha and Nancy were participants in the Tusker Project Fame 5!! I could not help but laugh at myself!! But then you cannot blame me! With the exams around the corner, I didn’t expect a group of university students to waste time (yes waste time) following some television programs faithfully and forgetting the reason for being in school, BOOKS!!

I will not even start on soaps, soap operas that cause students to skive evening classes to watch or fail to read for cats or do assignments because if they miss, they will not be able to contribute should another “heated” discussion on the said episode start the following day.

We are students, and what should come first is books, these other things like programs we can get later in CD’s in streets for as little as 50 bob or borrow the episodes from our friends. My friends, students, lets get our priorities right.

When the discussion reached a “hot” climax, I heard one girl whisper to another, “By the way, si you will help me with you Company Law book, sijasomea cat ya kesho” (I have not read for tommorow’s cat).

And the other whispered back, “OH! Ata mimi sijasoma!” (no way! I have also not read)

I felt like saying “I told you so!” but I din’t, since I had not. Now I will get  reason to, if they read this.

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FOR SHE

This is for her,
For she.


Snatch way her toy,

You will be awake till morning,

She is sensitive.

Invest in her,

She will work so hard,

She is hard working.

Hurt her friends,

She will be there without a halt,

She is concerned.

Show her kindness and love,

You will experience her warmth,
She is loving.

Give her people in need,
She will reach out and touch their hearts,

She is compassionate.

 Get her husband sick,

She will not sleep,

She is caring.

Hurt her child,

You will experience her wrath,

She is protective.

She is she,

The greatest of God’s creation,
She is the baby girl,
The chiq,
The girlfriend,

The daughter,

The wife,
The mother,
The grandma,
The her,
The she.

Cheers to she!

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FOR HIS EGO

Someone once said that women were created to serve and submit and men to lead and to love. But I feel like tables are turning in this new age. The men are not being allowed to lead, or even love. Reason? Their egos get bruised day in day out. You see, we ladies at times do not allow men to be men. This feeling and need to be independent is slowly pushing men away…and bruising their ego so much that they cannot stand up for themselves. What we get are men who are not responsible, who cannot lead, cannot love since they feel worthless.

The scenario these days is, if a man comes to help a lady do something, they say they are ok, they can handle it… come on, at times give them a chance. When a man comes to show me something, I pretend I do not know anything, like I have never heard it before.This gives him the chance to brag about what he knows and can do. And what is the result? A man whose self esteem is lifted, is confident and most important, his ego is satisfied.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying you allow him to do anything for the sake of his ego or give him the audience to just talk about himself, which by the way I don’t tolerate: a man who 90% of the time you are with him all you hear is I this and I that. You would think I was the only alphabetical letter the nursery they attended was teaching. No, I would not recommend that.

Anyway, ladies, if a man’s ego is satisfied, it means that he feels a sense of admiration, he feels valued and he feels an important person in this world. (my friend who is a man told me so). And as a result, he will take up his responsibility and lead and love. What you get is a happy man who is ready to lead and to love, their roles.

So ladies, at times its good to sooth his ego, let him show  how fast he can change a bulb, a flat tire, roast some meat, fix anything, or solve a mathematical/statistical sum. Yes men, I said AT TIMES, not always. Once in a while, for the sake of his ego.

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THE FOREIGNER EXPERIENCE.

Most of us find living with foreigners, nationals of other countries, well hard. I came to experience that first hand. Not that I have a problem with them, but from how I  have grown, with Kenyans around me, it becomes hard, especially in the communication sector.

I am currently on attachment and where I stay, a Tanzanian happens to be my neighbor. It is not the Tanzanian I have a problem with, its me. You see, the first time she came, she said “Jambo” and I was left thinking, who uses Swahili Sanifu these days? Little did I know that I would be digging up my archives to look for basic Swahili words for things I easily say in Shenglish (sheng + English).

So on the first day, I wanted to let her know that supper/dinner is being served. All I came up with was “Wanapatiana chakula” which  could easily be misintepreted for calling the other person a beggar. I felt so ashamed.

 Then came the names, never before had I gotten used to be called by the Swahili version of my name but I have to get used to being called “Dorkasi”. (sigh).

Then came the other day when I was away for the weekend and when I came back she said “Jameni Dorkasi, nimekukosa”. From what I learnt, “Kukosa” means missing someone (sigh).

Sunday was the worst of my Swahili vocab days. When she asked me to let her know where I attend my services and the order of services, my mind went blank as I searched my brain library for the Swahili word for “service”. After a long search, I just said “Savisi ya kwanza (1^st service)….Savisi ya pili(2^nd service)…” and once again, I felt totally ashamed.

And to think that Swahili is our official national language, I felt like taking a course on the language. Now I can’t help but remember a statement bu one of my friends on this matter. He said, “Wakenya inatufaa sote tuishi Mombasa ili tujue Kiswahili, kwani wakati East Afrika itashikanishwa, tutawezaje kufanya biashara na watanzania?”. What he was saying was as Kenyans and Kiswahili being our  official national language, when East Africa will be merged and  the same Kiswahili is made a regional language, we will not be able to do business. How well do you know your national Language?

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UNFORGIVABLE

It wasn’t a stranger, but a friend.

A cup of coffee, just a cup

A dance, one dance, and I waved goodbye.

This man friend of mine,

He smiled nice, stayed employed, taking me out for coffee.

With a simple welcome to my house,

I made a nice meal,

But my kindness, mistaken for hints;

And my friend, my friend, turned foe.

Driven by lust, locked the door behind me,

And I was left with scars!

I had been betrayed! By one who knew me!

A friend!

Someone I called friend, turned beast!

Betrayed, heartbroken, wasted, dirty,

I could not let this happen to only me!

 I too became an animal, man to man, beast to beast.

My trust had been breached!

I needed revenge, and revenge I did! To all men who my path crossed.

My fellow women, judging me,

They don’t know me! They don’t know why! Yet they judge!

They called me bitch, a female dog!

They called me a slut, as if my legs could not shut!

They called me a hooker, and other ugly names.

But all I wanted was to be unforgettable,

A memory, a wound to every man.

A wrath, madness, to other women.

Each morning I woke up, a joker by my side.

Oh I glittered in the wind; desired by my fellow animals.

At 3.00am I rose, removing the arms and legs that trapped me,

I made myself a bath, flavored gels, assorted oils, perfumed water, to wash away his smell;

To become me again: Clean, head high, sweet scent,

Walking down the streets,

Knowing I was still dirty,

Knowing the many nights, I had cried myself to sleep;

I hated me! I hated me.

I wanted to jump, jump out of me, to leave me alone, to be gone, gone with the wind, never to return.

I fell into a numbness.

The only tree I could see, took me by its branches, and held me up to the breeze,

And once again I got life,

I found peace, in the clean fresh breeze.

There I found her; I found God in her; I loved her.

I found me; I found God in me; I loved me.

Stench made scent, dirty made clean,

The unforgivable was forgiven, forgiven and forgotten.

I forgave him, I forgave me.

Befado.

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RED

A red rose,

The rose of love,

The rose for funerals,

Today I held a red rose,

In my arms.

Was it a rose of love,

Or of the love dead in me?

The funeral of my heart.

A red dress,

An expression of love,

An expression of pain.

Today I wore a red dress,

Over my body.

Was it an expression of love,

Or of pain?

The pain in my heart.

Red wine,

The wine of love,

The wine of distress.

Today I sipped red wine.

Was the occasion love,

Or was it distress?

Of what I feel inside.

Red colour,

The color of love,

The color of pain.

I see red all around,

Lost amidst the love,

And the pain.

Should I love,

Or feel the pain?

Red.

Befado.

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THIS FRIEND

This friend I have,

Means a lot to love

And to be loved,

They are one of a kind,

True and selfless,

I know not their true nature,

Or who they are when I’m not around,

But I do know what counts,

Are all the words we speak in silence,

The hello’s and goodbyes in our eyes,

The laughter and smiles in our closeness,

The sorrow and sadness in our distance,

And this friend knows who I am,

For they know me, and I know them,

And that’s simply enough.

Befado

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A LOVE STORY

If I were to write a love story,

I’d write about us.

If I were to tell a love story,

I’d tell about us.

Of the days we loved each other,

Of the days we sat together,

Of the days I’d look at you and smile,

Of the days we’d walk for a mile,

Of days you sang for me,

Of the nights so cold and lonely,

Of the dreams we shared together,

Of moonlight walks to the border,

Of the laughter we shared,

Of the sorrows we bared,

Of days we cared,

Of days we’d rest in each others arms,

Of days we watched movies hand in hand,

Of days we’d chat till late at night,

Of the eyes that turned me on,

Of the days we wished we could move to our world,

Of days a day was not lived without you,

Of nights I was afraid of the dark without you,

Of the hugs we shared,

Of warm intimate hugs,

Of days we held hands,

Of kisses we shared,

Of days love was all we had,

But promise I did,

Not to tell,

But given a chance,

I would write, I would tell,

A love story,

Our story.

Befado

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HOW NOT TO FALL IN LOVE WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND

Yes, its inevitable. You spend so much time together, you can talk about anything, and you know each others secrets. You buy each other things, just because I know they'll like that. You're always there for each other, and are in fact each others default dates to functions when you couldn't get anyone else. Sooner or later, at least one of you would fall in love with the other.

We know its extremely difficult, especially when you really have so much fun together and admit it he's attractive. But it is possible to not ever be romantically involved with your male friend. It is usually advisable to keep things that way, too. So here are a few tips to help prevent you from crossing the line.

1. Keep in mind that your best friend will always be your best friend. The mind over matter rule might still work for you, writes Anna Lorraine Miranda-baysa in How Not To Fall In Love With Your Best Friend. Forbid yourself from entertaining thoughts of your best friend being the man you've been waiting for, because you will eventually convince yourself that he is even if he probably is not. Whenever your mind wanders dangerously close to that line, give yourself a good, firm shake.

2. Decide not to be attracted. In fact, try to feel embarrassed about even considering it. Of course you became friends because you saw a lot of great qualities in each other that made you click, that's why its inevitable to feel attracted to each other. But to avoid falling for his great qualities, humorously think of his worst traits especially the really weird and gross ones. It helps, says Anna, who has a male best friend herself.

3. Avoid situations where you are left alone with each other, as this allows a breeding place for passion.

4. Know all the negative consequences falling in love would have on your precious friendship. Crossing the line could only bring disappointment for both of you and change your friendship forever. According to Why You Shouldn't Take The Next Step with Your Best Friend, , whenever you feel yourself falling, ask yourself these questions: Would he be a suitable match for me? Is there a future for us? Am I attracted to my best friend sexually? What are my real reasons? Am I afraid to be alone? Am I willing to risk losing the friendship? Know that when you risk falling for a friend, you risk not just getting your heart broken but also ruining one of your most cherished friendships when things don't work out.

5. Choose to love him as your best friend. Or as a brother, if you must. Know that you would be willing to do anything for him, care for him, and love him like a true brother, even if hes not family. And be comforted that he would do the same for you. But decide not to throw romantic and sexual thoughts into the equation. Its a decision, not merely an emotion, writes Anna. Appreciate that rare solid friendship you have formed with him and keep yourself from losing it just because of selfish, uncontrolled feelings.

Do you have a male best friend? How did you keep yourself from falling in love with him?

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GIRLS ARE GOOD AT MATH

A lot of people think that girls just don’t “do” math.  In fact, many of these same people believe that this is related to girls just being better at different things than boys.  This might be true in some areas, but recent studies have shown that, when it comes to math, girls just might be as good if not better! 

You might be surprised to learn that not all of these studies are recent.  Janet Hyde, a psychologist at the University of Wisconsin, found that girls tested in math just as well as boys before high school.  That was in the late eighties/early nineties.  Now, nearly twenty years later, researchers took another look at standardized test scores in a report published recently in Science. They found that there is actually no difference in mathematical ability in high school, either. 

Now, that’s not to say that girls and boys both approach math in the same way.  For instance, Hyde noted that she thought “the boys tend to be a little more idiosyncratic in solving problems, the girls more conservative in following what they’ve been taught.” But, of course, we know that approaching a problem in a different way doesn’t necessarily lead to being more or less good at solving it. 
 

So it kind of makes you wonder: why does the perception exist that girls aren’t as good at math, and why aren’t more giving it a try in high school and universities? 

To drive home this point, researchers looked at the correlation between the social structure of many countries and how well the girls from each performed in math.  For example, they “found that improved social conditions for women were related to improved math performance by girls.” 

Interestingly, this sort of finding doesn’t rule out biological differences between men and women when it comes to ability in a certain subject: “the between gender differences in a single discipline - reading or math - certainly appear to be influenced by social features, but the within gender differences between reading and math, and between arithmetic and geometry, appear to be much more stable across environments, suggesting possible biological roots. 

Let’s recap.  Many people think or have thought that girls just weren’t as good at math as boys are.  Studies are showing that this apparent gap in ability is closing, or is non-existent in some countries.  While environmental factors seem to contribute to the gap where it exists, there’s no denying that there could be some biological differences between male and female brains that make certain problems easier for one or the other. 

Since many of us live in areas where this gap still exists, at least in perception, we can ask ourselves what we can do about it.

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TIME TO MOVE ON

Why do I feel everyone has an exciting fun-filled life, but me? Why is it I can’t find that certain someone that makes me smile? Why do I always chose the one person that is obviously wrong for me and that I know will bring me eventual heartache?

I never intended my life to be self-destructive. When I wake up in the morning, I don’t say, “Let me meet someone today that will bring me grief.” I wake up happy; I am happy . . . except when it comes to my relationships. I feel I will never meet someone that will love and honor me in the way that I deserve.

Maybe I am destined to be alone. Maybe the walls I have built around myself are too thick for anyone to break through. Maybe I have a contented soul and I don’t even realize it. I think I must accept my situation for what it is. Maybe my fate is to be alone. If I honestly ask myself, “Am I happy?” I think I can answer, with all sincerity, “Yes, I am.” I love my life. I love my clothes, my family, my friends. I love my scool. I love taking long walks alone. I love making plans for trips with people that make me smile. I love not having to answer to anyone. I love being free.

But I do miss something. Something is definitely missing.

I miss a soft touch. I miss the whispered voice in my ear of love. I miss the phone calls just asking how I am. I miss the texts saying “I miss you.” I miss the compliments. I miss the hugs. I miss the kisses and the obvious want that a person would have for me and only me. I miss the companionship and ease of a long-term relationship. When you don’t have to question if a person is right for you, you just know. When you don’t have to wonder if a person is going to be home, he just is. When you know the plans you make will be just fine with your partner because you know each other that well. I miss that.

I miss the second part of me. The part of me that’s gone and leaves in me a void, a void that hurts; an emptiness that will never be filled in the same way again. The emptiness will eventually heal and become bearable, but it will leave a scar, a reminder of what was; a reminder of what never will be again.

But I will add to myself again. I will grow in other ways. The healing will come, but it will not be to forget . . . it will be to learn from. I don’t want that part of me back. I was ready to let it go and I have. That part of me has scarred me, but in a good way. I have no regrets. I have no “what-ifs” . . . I am thankful for what we had. It was a beautiful time, but a time which has run its course. It is time for me to move on; to start over; to create new memories and new times. 

It’s time for me to meet someone new.

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BE CAREFUL

This is the time of year many of us find ourselves sinking in quicksand instead of standing on a solid rock. Unfortunately it has become a constant struggle for myself as well. When I comitted to do as God commanded of me, I felt myself sinking into quicksand fast and felt there was no way out.

I sink in deep mire, where there is no standing: I am come into deep waters, where the floods overflow me. Psalms 69:2 KJV

It'a easy to give up and let yourself sink deeper and deeper to the point you can't climb out. Even Christian's tend to let themselves sink into quicksand. The Lord will take you out of the quicksand. He will not let you sink. He will recue you only if you let Him.

Deliver me out of the mire, and let me not sink: let me be delivered from them that hate me, and out of the deep waters. Psalms 69:14 KJV

God does not want you to sink into quicksand. He wants you to stand on a solid rock of faith. How soon we forget the Lord is our rock.

The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower. Psalms 18:2 KJV

He is my rock and my fortress when I start to sink into the quicksand of life's woes and worries.

There is none holy as the LORD: for there is none beside thee: neither is there any rock like our God. I Samuel 2:12 KJV

There is no other that will rescue from the quicksand but the Lord. He is the only one that can save you from a life of destruction. He is the only one that is willing to throw you a lifeline and pull you out of the pit that will swallow you alive.

Trust ye in the LORD for ever: for in the LORD JEHOVAH is everlasting strength: Isaiah 26:4 KJV

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SO LONG, GOODBYE.

Good bye is one of the hardest things to say, especially to a special person, a person who has been close to you, to your heart for quite some time. Good bye? There is nothing good in it! I always say. You start thinking of the good times you had, the bad too but all in all, you are left empty, lonely with a vacuum that no one can fill and not even time can heal the wound left by the departure of this special someone. 


Days become dull, nights become darker and colder. The phone becomes useless as there is no one to call or talk to. Loneliness becomes your close friend and memories fill your head. Anything you see reminds you of this person. Any misfortune reminds you of how different it would be with this person around. You become a prisoner of your own feelings, and you tell yourself that with time, you will get over it. Hours turn to minutes, minutes turn to hours, hours become days, days become weeks, and weeks become months and months become years.


And five years later you discover that nothing has changed. Therapy did not work, counseling did not work, and you discover that what people say is not true…time, does not heal all wounds... and you find yourself in the cycle again. So despite all this, which I know might or might not happen to me, I say good bye and hope to see you again. 

So long…Goodbye.

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RUN AWAY...RUN

 Running away is what most of us have been forced to be doing, day in, day out. whether it is running away from our ex, running away from God, running away from the landlord, running away from our problems.....even our shilling is running away from the dollar. We all Love to run away... i mean, who wants to be caught up in all the fuss? One thing I came to realize is that running away does not help...at all. it only gives the problem more time to gain speed and when it comes at you....larger and bigger problems arise. For quite some time I was the runner... (not an athlete, though I also do well in that area)...but I was a great runner.

 All I knew best was to run away... I took any chance in a pressurized situation to run away, no matter the consequences.In an argument, I would simply walk away and leave the other party talking, in sin, i would shut God away completely, but you know what friends, I came to know that it does not help....not a bit, and i came to know it in a painful way. Friends, let us not walk away from our problems and troubles. Learn to take the bull by its horns and face it. 

It leaves you more confident in yourself. so that is my assignment this holiday....To stop running away, turn back and run towards my problems. if you have been a runner like me, join me in the assignment. I am heading there...though I"m making baby steps.. I know eventually i will walk up-right. and so will you!!

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THE SMART PHONES FUSS

"This is not a phone...eh! it is a SMART phone" my brother  retorted the other day when I called his phone a "mkebe"(tin). For your information his was not a smart phone and like him, most of us boast to own something that in the end is not what we think it is... 

Most of us boast of owning a smart phone, as opposed to the less popular “mulika mwizi”. But what exactly is a smart phone? Most of what we call smart phones is actually mere cell phones with additional settings. So, what exactly is a smart phone? Is it different from a cell phone? What makes it smart?

A great technician said that a smart phone is a device that lets you make telephone calls, but also adds in features that you might find in a Personal Digital Assistant (PDA, as computer science students like to call it) or a computer, for example ability to send and receive e-mails and edit office documents.

To understand smart phones, we need to know a bit of its history. In the beginning, there existed cell phones and PDA’s. Cell phones for making calls while PDA’s were personal, potable organizers storing contacts and sync with computers. 

Then PDA’s gained wireless connectivity to send and receive e-mail and cell phones gained messaging capabilities too. PDA’s then added cellular phone features and cell phones added computer-like features.

For a phone to be classified as a smart phone, some of its features should include; 

1. An operating system such as Blackberry OS, Palm OS, android OS, or windows mobile. 
2. A software to edit or view office documents or edit photos.
3. Web access; 3G data networks and Wi-Fi support to some handsets.
4. QWERTY keyboard, meaning keys are laid out like on a computer keyboard, not alphabetically 
5. Messaging (this one even my “mulika mwizi” has) to send and receive e-mails.

However, the technological world is constantly evolving. Your smart phone today may change by next week, next month or next year. Like I say, as long as the phone performs basic functions like receiving calls and calling, sending and receiving texts, can “okoa jahazi” and can subscribe to Safaricom’s unlimited sms, whether it’s smart or not is not an issue!

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