25 HILARIOUS QUOTES

Before I post my monthly poem and post; some 25 hilarious quotes I tumbled upon. Feel free to disregard what you don't believe.

1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.

2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

15. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

25. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

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TO THE ASK SHOW WITH MY CHECKLIST

Well, it’s that time of the year again; the annual agricultural shows are here. I am so excited about this year’s show. I am so excited because I have a bone to pick with the ASK (Agricultural Society of Kenya).

If you attended the shows when you were young, you will agree with me it’s where we spent every shilling of our savings. My brother and I would save for several months for the sake of these shows. See, our parents would pay the entrance fee and leave us to “explore” the area. Warning us not to get lost and telling us to meet at a certain food kiosk at lunch time. The show was like the event of the year, especially when we were in primary school. Walking around in cliques looking at what the ASK termed as wonders of the world.

 This time round, I am going there as a lady on a revenge mission.  The ASK lied to me, deceived me at my tender age, and I go there this year on a revenge mission. Like ARROW the series, I bear a pouch with some writing materials and cameras as my arrows and I do have a check list (by the way if you still have not watched arrow the series, ensure you do :-)). In this checklist, I have several things that ASK deceived me with. I am going with only one aim in mind. To prove (with photos where applicable) that some of the things they made me glare at, drool at, having visions of those wonders of the world that I believed then, could only be found at our local area.

Some of these things include mermaids (don’t get me wrong, I am not trying to say mermaids do not exist but am sure those were a fake), half-men-half-women, (till this day I don’t understand how they pulled that one off), some chicken that had tits and gave milk (I swear hiyo ni uchawi), the half-man-half-donkey (I know, I believed they are real!). Those are the few that are the top of my list. On my visit this time, I will ensure I touch (or throw a stone at) any of them to see if they move. I will even sneak at the back and take pictures of their “back-stage” acts (well i will also give that evil laughter in a cheeky voice that goes like ehehehehehe...gotcha!)

As the ASK Embu show starts tomorrow the 13^th, I will make my way there on 14^th with my checklist and my mission in mind. Well, I will definitely ride that merry go round! I know that one was real, and so was the thrill of riding it :-)

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MUSIC FESTIVALS: YOUNG TALENT

Well, if there is any event that I look forward to (other than classical concerts) is the annual music festival. I used to participate in Music Festivals since primary school, all the way through high school. So hooked was I that in my fourth year in high school (I hope my parents never see this) I missed my Kiswahili Mocks paper since I was attending the provincial music festivals. Not that this time I was participating, I accompanied a friend. Since I came to my senses, I have never missed any national finals, except this year.

Well I got the chance to watch the state house music festivals concert, which was aired live by the national channel a.k.a KBC. I saw talent, young and rich talent that soothes the soul and settles my musical restless soul. All those who made it for the finals were all great, but I must mention a few that caught my eye … (or is it ear).

Dances.

Among the colleges that made it was the Friends teachers college Kaimosi with their Dance…my oh my…their iskuti moves made me stand up and try to dance…I say try because I could not match up to what they were doing...their shoulders…wow!

High schools. The Kibirichia Boys High school. These ones got my attention the moment they walked in…with their well built masculine bodies… (Yes mwenye macho haambiwi tazama)... and their short lessos...well I never knew boys look so lovely with short lessos...and their meru dance had creative moves.

 Choral verses.

I must say this section has grown most since I started attending music festivals. Among those that made me excited was Mumbi Girl’s “Evan animals Have Tears”. They got everyone bursting with laughter describing the wildlife situation in Kenya. Lagemo Primary’s “I Am What You Are” was a masterpiece; reminding us to be good role models, particularly the parents…they got baba laughing with the comparison of parent’s certificates and children’s performance in school.

Zilizopendwa

We all love this part; these songs take back our minds to the good old days. Chavakali Boys really had their moves going and it was reported that they got a standing ovation during the Festivals at Meru. Now I Know why. Precious Blood Riruta’s piece was amazing! Kudos to them. 

When the event was ending, during the last performance, I saw baba dozing… or was it “resting his eyes”…surely, the last piece was not that bad..! Now I await next year’s festivals.

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