I just had to repost this one. it is soooooo funny, I Laugh Out Loud each time I read it:
I was asleep. The jogoo shouted three times, I opened one eye and left the
other to sleep abit. I was wishing I had slept with my uniforms putted on, but
I realised if wishes were chickens beggars would been layin eggs. I woke up
with only one eye open n and I was looking where the karai was put I wash my
face. I found some cotton which I used to burn the jiko and cook a chai without
milk called sturungi. I drank the sturungi haphazardy and hurriendily with a
big piece of kiugali which had remained at night. I put on my uniforms and then
I painted myself with fat and because there was no kiwi I had to paint my shoes
with fat to.
I took a paperbag put books and biros then ran my everything, I beated the
first corner hardly then as I was beatin the second corner I heard the school
bell cry ncgririr nkngrirriririri nckgrrrirrrrr!!! I knew nimelate. When I
reached the gate!! You dont want to know!! Mr Mogaka was standin at the gate
with a big black nyahunyo. I was so afraid that I almost urinated. I was asked
why are you late? I said makaa was poured with water at night teacher asked
what has that to do with you coming to school late I told him the jiko was late
to burn so it delayed cookin strong tea he said that is no excuse!!
Touch your toes!! I started to remove my shoes so I can touch the toes but
he told me I just meant bend, he gave me the first nyahunyo on my
buttocks,,hehe it was as hot as a boiling water, I dried that one, he gave me
the second one pap!! This one was much hotter n started hearing to cry, when
the third one was given to me I heard so much pain that I touched my buttocks,
the teacher said you have erased that one!!
I will have to give you another
one!! When I was given the fourth nyahunyo, tears started getting out of my
eyes uncontrollably,, the teacher said, you removing tears for who!! I dont want to see even a smell of tear, ran to
class and dont late tomorrow. My buttocks as I went to class were hearing as if
sitting in a burning jiko.. I dried the tears because my classmate would laugh at
me for crying. When I entered class I walked slowly to my desk and when I tried to sit it
was so pain I could not seet. So I seeted on air above my chair holding my
desk. From that day I sweya I will never come to school late again even if the
makaa was poured on water!!!.
Examiners comments:
This school should be turned into a tourist attraction. This is a classic
case of a comedian in the making. I will refer this student to the African
Centre for Talented Individuals next to K1. No marks can be awarded as this
will negate the whole idea of nurturing county talent.
